Although bulimia is something that I no longer fight a daily battle with, talking openly with other people about my eating disorder this week has really reminded me just how far I have actually come in the last few years.
It’s funny how much time I used to dedicate to thinking about, writing about, talking about and avoiding food. A bloody basic requirement of life and something that I have a much healthier relationship with now. So, today I thought I would write out and share with you a few of the things that I’ve promised to my body and how we’re going to live harmoniously moving forward, eating food, talking about weight and shunning all things diet culture!
I’m sorry for all the years I spent starving you, purging the food from you and mixing cups of maple syrup with cayenne pepper. These aren’t the kind of things that any body should have to process or deal with. I’ve always known that starvation diets are a short-term fix for a long-term disaster, and I’m finally implementing that. Even in the lead-up to my wedding day, we weren’t going to waste time with that anymore!
I promise to not poke and prod at the bits that are curvier.
I’m sorry for the hours spent staring in the mirror, turning sideways and examining my (perfectly fine) stomach. I’m sorry for pulling at the fat around my thighs, that give me my gorgeous big hips! I’m sorry for poking you and treating you like that, when I know that the curves and edges are there to protect my organs, and not because my body is my enemy.
I promise to nourish you. Whether that’s with vegetables, fruits, carbs or cakes.. you’ll have what you need.
There was a time when food was just fuel to keep me going. Although that might have been in childhood, I promise to try and get us back to that place. I promise to eat for fullness and nourishment. BUT, I also promise to eat for fun and pleasure. To enjoy food with my family, cosy nights in with my husband and drinks and chips after a night out with my best friends.
I promise to appreciate what you do for me.
Running on the beach, yoga, dancing at my wedding, hugging the people I love… hopefully carrying a baby one day. All amazing miraculous things that I wouldn’t be able to do without my body. Things that I’m SO grateful for.
I promise to stop comparing you to other people.
I’ve spent too long wondering why I’m so much fatter than other people. I’ve questioned my body and my willpower and wondered why I can’t have ”her” body or ”her” legs or ”her” boobs. But I’m pretty sure most of those other girls are thinking the exact same about other people too. We’re all beautiful in our own ways, however, that might appear. I’m tired of the negative self-talk. This is my body and the only one I’ve got. Who cares what other people are doing with theirs!
I promise to stop sucking in my stomach in photos and taking fake selfies.
I feel like selfies to me, are fairly poisonous. I’ve manipulated my face to hide my freckles, to remove laughter lines, to make my chin appear thinner and my cheekbones more prominent. But NO MORE. The last few selfies and photos of myself i’ve put up have been so much more genuine and happy and I’m happier as a result. I also don’t want to waste my time taking pictures of my face anymore when I’m not in the mood really. Put down the camera, spend time with the people I’m with and if I fancy taking some photos and giving myself that self-love, then that’s cool too! A night out still happens, even if I don’t have the photos to prove it!
What promises have you made to your body?