“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” – Michael Law
I’ve built up a kind of anxiety with writing this blog. In boldly declaring that I was taking things in a new direction, ‘a fresh chapter’ and a more experimental style when it comes to my writing – I’m now beginning to feel the immense pressure to create something perfect – rather than to do what I always do and just simply create something.
It’s a strange notion for me to overthink the things that I’m putting out there too much, as throughout my life I’ve very much been the kind of person that wished they were described as a perfectionist – rather than actually being one.
I’ve always admired the qualities of people who worked diligently, carefully and wouldn’t settle until they had created the best thing possible.
Instead, my childlike and endlessly distractible brain has always done something that’s good enough and then moved on to other things. (A quality that has served me well when it comes to being on top of work and deadlines – but poorly when it comes to things that needed more care!)
I suppose that now that I’ve decided to wipe the slate clean and start again, I’m now starting to overthink every word, every photo that I plan to share on here and to wonder if it’s really even worth sharing in the first place… which is proving to be a problem – as I’m not creating anything.
I know that there’s an element of me that really needed to take a step back and to look how proud I really was of the things I was creating.
I know that there’s an element of my writing and life that could use a little dash of perfectionism.
However, I also don’t want to be too pedantic and trapped in the vicious cycle I’m in now.
I’m sure that the more comfortable I get with writing on here again and sharing different kinds of posts, the more it will feel like second nature, but for the moment- bear with me.
I’m feeling anxious that I’ve taken a new direction with this. But as the quote above says, it’s not about being meticulous, it’s about fear.
So here we are. I’m facing my fear!
I’m trying something new – I’m planning to share my creative writing, my poems, my photography… and hell, if it all goes badly wrong, at least I can say that I’ve tried?
Image: David McEachan