Things are hard right now

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Life has got really REALLY shitty lately for me and Luke.

Now, I try to keep my problems in perspective, I recognise that most of the time I am a really damn lucky person, but I feel shit. I feel very hard done by, and my anxiety is absolutely through the roof.

To cut a long story short as I haven’t even got the energy to type, the vet has informed us that our kitten Buzz is severely unwell.

We’d noticed it in the last few days that he’d been acting out of sorts, he’d been a little off his food… but we put it down to the fact that he’d had his um… man surgery recently, and that he was just feeling a bit under the weather.

However, after examinations and scans and a whole lotta blood work, it turns out that he’s got a huge kidney stone blockage, one kidney is underdeveloped and one is massively enlarged. He’s also severely dehydrated and he now needs surgery that’s going to cost us between 5-6 thousand pounds.

Now, that’s a fuck lot of money to anyone. That’s a whole lot of stress to try and organise, and I’ll be honest- I don’t have that in savings.

The other part is that I feel so guilty.

When we got kittens we knew we could afford them, we pay their insurance, we know that we can fork out this money with some careful planning and a loan, but I feel guilty that I didn’t notice sooner.

My baby is only 9-months- old and he’s been in the pet hospital for two days. My baby was getting sick and I should have taken him in sooner.

I can’t protect him from these things that are happening and ultimately I guess, for now, I’m just sad. I’m sad that I think my little boy is suffering, I’m sad I don’t feel in control and I’m sad that I’ve also just started a new job and I can’t take time off for him or really talk that openly about it to people I’ve only known for a couple of days.

Hopefully, I’ll read this back one day and remember how strong our little kitten was and how strong we were dealing with this.

It’s certainly the way that life goes that it gets tough at times, but I’m struggling.

Rach

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