Disclaimer: This is not ‘shading’ anyone. This is written with a personal event in mind that I’ve kept mainly off the internet!
I’ve had several incidences lately that have made me feel absolutely outraged. I mean seriously, I could feel actual bubbles of anger in my stomach at one of them. (PMS not helping with that one) – but it’s got me thinking a lot lately about the way that I choose to behave when it comes to things that make me angry, so today- I wanted to write a little about how calmness, kindness, and understanding, can be seriously hard work.
Let me paint the scene for you. I am usually a very easy-going person. It’s rare that I’m angry, I’m usually just hyper-stressed if I seem snappy and I tend to try and let things wash over me without caring too much. But on occasion, I will see, hear, read or talk to someone about something that sends me full-on insane.
My first instinct is usually to vent it out to my family and friends, then screenshot and blast it on my social media accounts or failing that to directly confront the issue or individual which had stirred up so much anger inside me- but there’s so much that is problematic with that reaction.
Namely, it starts conflicts, which as soon as I’ve chilled after 10 minutes, I really don’t want to be a part of. It also makes me feel shitty and makes me look aggressive, mean or generally like I just want to start drama. Particularly with the incident I’m kinda thinking of as I write this, there’s a lot more to it than just pissing off some random on Twitter.
I’m trying to acknowledge that this is a flaw and I’m also really trying to work on it, but it got me really thinking how much harder it is to try and relax and have a calm and kind reaction to other people, rather than simply blasting off with the first reaction that pops into your head.
Because as human beings we want to instantly react. We are driven by emotional responses and many people (myself included) have found it very easy to bitch online whilst hidden behind the comfort of the screen, rather than actually grow the hell up and address the person or the issue directly.
In terms of my own issue, I reasoned with myself that this ‘thing’ would either still be there and still be making me angry to be dealt with later, or my anger would eventually fade into the background and it would stop being such an issue.
And guess what? It faded.
Because in the moment, if I am upset, angry or experiencing any kind of negative emotion, I will talk about it. I will show it on my face, I will talk to other people and that is my personal way of dealing with things.
But sometimes, I need to take a step back and be a little kinder.
Yes, it’s damn hard to be understanding when you’re in a whirlwind of emotions. Yes, it’s fucking hard work not going on a full-on rampage on social media and blasting someone when you haven’t even listened to their side of things. Yes, it’s bloody difficult to wait for that 10 minutes, 15 minutes or even few hours before you feel like you don’t care half as much but ultimately, the thing about life and your interactions with people is that people remember you by how you make them feel, not necessarily by what you say.
I’m constantly learning and trying to be the best version of myself that I can be… and if that means holding my tongue once in a while- well then, I guess that’s what I’ve got to do!