I just threw out my comfiest, fav pair of jeans because they’re starting to get threadbare around the bum (yummy aye?) but it got me thinking about the way that as a society we look at, attach sentimental value to and also dispose of clothes so frequently. Because taking a closer look at my wardrobe and how much I’m buying and saving lately, I think that my relationship with fashion and clothes has changed drastically in the last few years.
At school, I had a uniform up until the age of 16. It was bottle green and white, it was hideous and it actually made me despise that colour for the rest of my days. (Seriously, this is why everything I own now is bloody pastel pink) – but it meant that I gave very little thought to what I wore for most of my childhood.
Clothes were to me, practical, bought because my mum thought it looked nice on me and were literally to clothe me so that I didn’t, ya know, get arrested for indecent exposure lol. We used to go shopping twice a year for some summer bits and some winter stuff when I was growing out of everything- but that was the extent of it.
My mum is not at all interested in what she wears particularly, and I think a lot of that attitude rubbed off on me, even as a teenager.
I was not one of those people who used clothes as self-expression and identity. I’ve always been a comfort over style kind of girl and I mainly wore leggings, stripes, checked shirts and white converse growing up, because that was the identity that I felt most comfortable in.
In a way, I suppose that my identity was being one of those people who ”had much more on her mind than what she wore.” I established myself as the kind of person who didn’t buy into fashion and the industry, who wanted to be loud and stand-out and who had better things to do than care about what I looked like.
Nowadays, I think that’s pretty sad really. I think I was very trapped in my perceptions and stereotypes of people, which meant that I became rather judgemental of people who were actually interested in clothes. Ah well, learn as you grow eh?
However, around 3/4 years ago I suddenly became a lot more conscious of the things that I was putting on my body every day. Maybe it was because I was dating a guy who actually had really great dress sense, maybe it was because I had got back into blogging at that point and wanted that to be a part of my content, or maybe it was because I actually had some extra money and realised that this was a thing that I quite enjoyed.
I started spending a lot more money on things and particularly when I started earning my own dolla, a lot of my salary would be spent on buying new tops, jeans, jumpers… basically, all things that I thought that I needed, but didn’t really.
At one point I had so many clothes that I didn’t even know what to wear, what worked together or what I actually felt good in. I was just consuming for the sake of consuming and shopping because it was something to do.
I’m not sure at what point I actually decided enough was enough- maybe it was even only fairly recently?
I’ve discovered body positivity lately and a lot of that has meant that I’ve started to give away the bits and bobs that I personally don’t feel good in. I’ve started being more bold in my fashion choices (shoutout to my bright pink cardigan) and I’ve got again a shifting perspective on fashion and clothes once again.
These days? I’m much more comfortable in my body. I still haven’t quite figured out what ‘works’ for me, but I know the things that make me feel good in myself and what an average day’s uniform would look like (jeans, trainers, striped tops, cosy baggy jumpers, big hoops) I love getting dressed up for a night out and I’m finally starting to see clothes as something fun to be experimented with, whilst at the same time, being very minimally important in the grand scheme of what I want from my life.
At the end of the day, I am not a fashion blogger, I don’t work in the industry- and I don’t take that much interest in it. If you wanna do that, then that’s awesome and I’m glad you’ve found a passion. But for me? I’m just gonna stick to my cosy dungarees, big jumpers and my ‘I couldn’t give a shit’ attitude.