Well, I’ve just got home from spending the day with you. Sadly, I’m currently in an empty-house (bar the cats) as Luke is still spending time with his mum and hasn’t come back yet (although he has promised to bring me leftover cheesecake, so I damn wish he’d hurry up) – but I wanted to write a letter to you to say thank-you for being you and I’m sorry that I don’t say that enough, except the moment when this day rolls around every year.
Honestly? I should be telling you it every minute of the day, how bloody lucky I am to have you in my life, to have that constant support network and the fact that there’s always someone to text when I’m having a good or bad day. So, here’s just a little letter that I’ll probably send to you once it’s out on the internet.
We’ve always been close. We’ve always had that amazing mother-daughter relationship that I don’t think a lot of people are lucky enough to have- and I guess if I’m writing this letter, there’s a couple of things that I’d really like to say:
Firstly, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, for telling me that I was too good for him, for threatening to go and shout at the girl who was being horrible to me. Thank you for lending me money for stupid things, for helping pay for my education, for giving me and Luke the dream wedding day (that we absolutely couldn’t afford without you) and for being so wholeheartedly generous in everything that you do.
Thank you for teaching me the right way to be, for the advice on other people, for making me laugh until my sides hurt, for the lessons that I’ve learned as I’ve grown-up and for basically making a miniature version of yourself in me… I mean, the amount we make the same jokes and comments is getting a little out of hand!?
Secondly, thank you for kicking ass at everything you do. You’re a teacher, a mother, a wife, a daughter and a full-time badass and you’ve never once let on that you might have too much on your plate. Honestly, the rest of us would be total flailing messes without you to whip us into shape.
You’ve always told me that beauty comes from the inside and that having a dazzlingly happy and cheerful personality is the way to go in life. Thank you (again lol) for putting emphasis on the right things and being a straight-up cool and brilliant woman, who’s never afraid to stand up for what she believes.
Finally, I want to say sorry for any of the shit that I put you through when I had my eating disorder. I can’t imagine how painful it would have been to see your baby hurting themselves, starving themselves and hating everything they saw in the mirror. I’m sorry for the amount that we bickered during that time.
I know now that I’m in recovery that you were only trying to do what was right for me. I know that you felt helpless and that there was nothing that you could do right, but believe me- mental illness can make us into ugly people that we wish we could take back. Gosh, how I wish that I could take back some of that stuff… but time is a healer and every day is a new opportunity eh?
If Luke and I have children in the next couple of years, I’ll be happy as long as they are healthy and happy. I’ll love them no matter what and I’d cherish any opportunity to be a mother… but there’s a very small part of me that hopes that one day, I’ll get to share the bond that we have. I’d love to have a daughter, so that I can try to be even a tiny bit as brilliant a parent as you’ve been so far.
Love you millions.