An open letter on marriage

I have never been the person who dreamed of weddings. As a child, I didn’t wonder about the big white dress, the flowers, the confetti, the food or anything else. My parents had a low-key wedding that was filled with family and friends… and I imagined that if it was ever going to happen for me, it would be just like that.

I hadn’t lost my faith in the institution, I still believed in love, I knew that I wanted it one day… but it was something that I never even gave a thought towards for most of my life.

As I got older and went through two other long-term relationships, I thought that I would be with those people forever, but weddings never crossed my radar with them.

I guess I was too young to even comprehend the idea of that kind of commitment.

To this day, I’m in a way still that low-maintenance and unbothered girl that I’ve always been.

Even though I’m planning a wedding- it still makes me laugh that people get their knickers in a twist about the colour of the chairs, or ask me questions about where I’m ordering the invitations from or my ‘colour scheme’. It’s a whole other world that I still don’t really feel a part of… even though I’m a bride-to-be!

Weddings were not on my radar and even when I met you and fell head over heels within a couple of weeks- I still didn’t think a year and a bit later I’d be here.

I’d had my guard up and I remember so vividly you telling me to just stop, that you weren’t going to hurt me… that it would take a lot to scare you off and that’s the night when I knew that I had literally let my emotions in for a total rollercoaster.

Except it wasn’t. It wasn’t anything like I’d had in relationships before- because everything has always been so easy with you.

Falling in love with you was so uncomplicated, your personality meshes so well with mine and any small bicker that we’ve ever had has ended within a matter of minutes…

Yeah, it’s just like any other normal relationship. We drive each other crazy sometimes, we’re boring and lazy at others- but it’s everything that I’ve ever wanted. The moments when we’re just snuggled up with a whole evening of TV and cuddles and food and the kittens? Well, that’s kind of perfection to me.

I didn’t really believe that anyone was ever actually going to ask me to marry them.

It’s one of those things that you see in the media all the time… the movie moments when fireworks go off and everyone claps, but when we decided to live together and get the cats that’s when I let my mind start to wander slightly.

I imagined being a Mrs… I thought that maybe in a few years it might happen and I had told a couple of your girlfriends when I was drunk that if it was ever going to happen then our trip to New York would be the perfect opportunity in my eyes.

But I didn’t let myself hope for one moment.

So when you got down on one knee (metaphorically, since we were both technically sitting down) I had about 108 million thoughts rush through my head at that moment.

You probably didn’t realise that, since I literally just burst into tears and wouldn’t stop saying yes, like some kind of record that had got stuck- but that was one of the best moments of my entire life.

Even though I’m unbothered about all the frills and details of a wedding day, I didn’t consider how much I would actually want a marriage with someone.

So even though a lot of people might say that I’m too young, I’ve never felt that anything was more right for me at this exact moment in time.

I’m still the kid who doesn’t really dream of the big white wedding because these days I’m far more excited to spend the rest of my life getting to call you my husband.

God that sounds strange even typing it out. But I think that’s the reason that I know that I’m ready to make this commitment.

Because, I’m actually excited for what it means, rather than all the stuff that comes with a wedding day.

Sure, I can’t wait to cut a cake and walk down the aisle with my Pa by my side…

I can’t wait to see the flowers and have photos with my best friends and drink prosecco until my head spins, but- more than anything I’m excited to become a Mrs, to make the commitment of a lifetime to someone I really love.

I guess I’m never going to dream of big white weddings, but somehow- I’m kind of looking forward to ours!

Here’s to the future eh?

Rach

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