Why good relationships shouldn’t stifle independence

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There’s something that I hear a lot about relationships or committing yourself to another person… and that’s how “you’re giving up single life”. The association that when you take the plunge and delve into relationships-ville, that you also give a large part of yourself away. You lose a part of yourself that it seems only single people are entitled to get- and it’s something that is really bothering me.

This is generalised and correct me if I’m wrong- but I genuinely think that there’s a societal stigma with being exclusive, being in a relationship or getting married, that I’ve noticed ever since the moment I had a ring put on my finger. (Cue single ladies dance)

It’s the same vibe that I got when I broke up with my ex. There were cries from my friends and family of:

‘Amazing! You can be YOU again!’ 

‘The world is your oyster’

‘Fuck him! Independent lady!!’

And it’s taken me a while- but suddenly I’m asking for a time the fuck out on these kinda statements, and wondering what the hell it is that make relationships the death of your freedom of choice, independence and general creative badass-ness?

I suppose on some level I can see where this idea has come from. I’ve been in relationships before where I ended up compromising on things that I wanted, I gave up my dream of moving to Australia for a year for a guy and yes on the odd occasion there have been incidences where I’ve probably not grasped the opportunity that I could have.

Single people are in charge of their own happiness and their choices aren’t influenced by the people they love…

But I think the thing is- when you find the right person… there’s no chance of you and your indepedence being stifled- because if they’re right, then they should encorage you at every twist and turn your life takes.

Your priorities might shift slightly, you’re going to want to put them over other things- but if you’re in the right relationship with the right person… then you shouldn’t lose any part of yourself. Right? (God I cringe myself out sometimes)



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