I had a conversation with a friend the other day about being single.
We were chatting about them and why they were not in a relationship currently- and the subject came up that actually, I hadn’t really been single for long enough to offer proper solid advice.
She didn’t say it in a horrible way at all- but she made the point that I have actually never really truly been single for a long period of time- so I couldn’t really understand what it was like to have been your own number 1 for a long period of time.[Right let’s just clarify before we keep writing that this is literally in no way meant to come off like “oooh I’m so lucky and desirable and everyone loves me”- because that is entirely not the case.]
But thinking about it, I have literally had a fiancé, boyfriend, been dating exclusively or been at least talking to someone for the last 7 years of my life.
The last 7 years were by no means filled with only healthy and fulfilling relationships- in fact probably about 4 years out of this time was- but it’s the god honest truth is that I have never really allowed myself to be single during my adult life.
She made this point and it’s also true that I probably can’t offer a huge amount of advice about making it on your own or not craving romantic relationships- because I’m afraid, that’s just never happened to me.
But the more I think about it- the more I’m wondering why that is.
I’ve never felt like I’ve been in a relationship “for the sake of it”, I have very fulfilling platonic relationships, an amazing family network and I wouldn’t consider myself a lonely person… so how have I ended up this way?
It’s infinitely frustrating to me because I just know that certain people will read between the lines and assume that I am either; dependant, needy, lonely or just can’t manage on my own- but I think that’s a total misconception.
The reason that I feel like this constantly happens- is literally timing and taking the opportunity.
If I’ve met someone I liked whilst on nights out, I’ve not wanted to shun them for the sake of staying single. I’ve usually taken their number, chatted for a while- then either dated them or put them in my Whatsapp graveyard of men and moved on.
If I’ve really loved being around someone then I’ve wanted to move to the stage of being in an exclusive relationship- because hell I am not good at sharing 😉
When I met Luke I had decided that I was going to try being single for a year to work on myself and my own passions- but as soon as I got to know him I fell head over heels in love, plus he helped me achieve the stuff that I’d been putting off and made me happier than I could have imagined.
So, I guess I’m writing in defence of those who have just happened to move from one relationship to another. It’s not necessarily a sign of weakness or dependency… I guess sometimes these things just happen.
I’m very much of the mindset to follow whatever makes you happy, and screw what everyone else thinks. So if you’re a serial monogamist like myself, then cheers to that.