Dear Teenage Rach,
Hello! Writing a letter to yourself is always going to be a bit bizarre but since you’re in the throes of adolescence I think it’s fundamental that I warn you of a few lessons that you need to know. Of course, you being you, will completely ignore all the sound and sensible advice that I can offer these days- and do what you want. Because that’s just it isn’t it- your act of rebellion is to do whatever the hell you want and then feel terribly guilty about the consequences.
But despite this- I’ve got some very important life lessons that I’d like to share with you. So smarten up your awful outfit choice of tartan shirts, tights, and shorts- bunch your hair into that god awful knot on the top of your head- and listen to what I’ve got to say!
Please try harder at school. Stop trying to be cool and embrace the fact that you actually love education. You don’t need to hide that from people! At the moment it’s probably really cool to get wasted all the time and pretend that you don’t care at all. But honestly, good grades will serve you so well in the future. Stick with it kid.
Don’t smoke. You know those adverts about not giving in to peer pressure? Yeah, dude, you’re literally a walking example of the person who couldn’t say no. Trust me- it’s going to be really hard to snap out of the habit and you’ll wish you’d never started.
You will have boyfriends. Several in fact. I’m pretty sure at the moment there have only been 2 guys interested in you in your entire life. No, you are not the troll that you see in the mirror. Sure you’re going to come out your shell, but stop writing things in your diary about how heinous you are, and how nobody will ever love you. I promise- several people will. Ya know why? Cos you’re awesome. Also, you’re prettier than you think now those braces are off. YAY!
Make the most of ridiculously long summer holidays. One day you’ll have a full-time job where you only get 23 days off a year. Full-time work is a bitch. Enjoy that freedom!
Being thin is irrelevant. You’re going to carry the idea in your head that being thin makes people happy for a LONG time. I mean, I’m talking the next 5 years or so. But one day you’ll realise- thin people aren’t always happy either. Being a decent person, with great confidence and a sense of humour will always bode people better in their life. Also, your cheeks really aren’t that chubby can you please chill out dear.
Don’t wear pencil eyeliner on your water line. YOU AREN’T AVRIL LAVIGNE YOU LOOK LIKE MARILYN MANSON.
Apologise. You’re going to fall out with your best friend Callum over something so stupid that you can’t even remember it now. He’s a really good guy, apologise to him whatever it is.
Don’t get a bob cut for the love of God. Ignore your mum. She’s wrong about this one. You don’t suit hair that short and you literally look like a ball.
Don’t wear outfits that are all the same colour. Legit it looks so odd. (Proof that this happened below.)
Stop craving drama. Could you please just enjoy the fact that life is relatively easy right now and stop wishing that something exciting will happen? You have plenty of moments in your life that will make you wish that you’d never got involved in them. There will be a year in your life when drama just seems to stick to you like glue, but trust me- it’s not fun or entertaining. It’s draining and awful.
Go to all the things you’re invited to. I know that you’ll do this anyway and toss A-levels to one side- but seriously, take those opportunities. The memories are far too valuable to miss out on. (Just please actually do some work as well)
Discover purple lipstick earlier. Your best friend looks like a damn model and can wear red lipstick but it DOES NOT SUIT YOU. Go for purple you sassy thing.
Stop drawing cat whiskers on your face. I feel like Dan and Phil were a big thing back then but why do you and your pals do this all the time when you’re drunk? It’s not random it’s weird.
Don’t get that stupid tattoo on your back. Please, it’s something you’re gonna regret one day. Also, it gives creeps in a bar a reason to talk to you and pull your top down at the back. (You’re also gonna start off a sleeve at some point. Save up for that, it’s god damn expensive)
The friends you have now? They’re gonna be here for the long haul. Yeah, you’ll meet loads of new people and make new friends- but the ones who you’re hanging out with in the locker room at school? They’re going to stick around. Be thankful for them. Female friendship is so valuable.
Stick out the job at the shoe shop. Yes, it’s a living hell. Yes, children are awful. Yes, feet are still disgusting in 2018- but the money you get from that will literally set you up for the best summer of your life.
It isn’t an achievement to get guys to sleep with you. They will sleep with anyone. Trust me.
Start weeing after sex, stop wearing thongs and don’t even attempt bath bombs. They give you UTIs and thrush. Ain’t nobody want that. I wish that someone had told me that earlier tbh.
Don’t send a selfie in your bra to dumb ass boys. They’re fuck heads and you won’t ever get that back.
Enjoy it! The years go fast and one day you’ll blink and find you’re engaged, in a house, with two kittens and a job. Growing up just kind of happens and although it’s brilliant and wonderful- being a teenager is equally amazing.