My worst films 2017

I was scrolling through Netflix earlier and came across “Bright”- the new Will Smith action/fantasy flick that I had been dying to watch.

As usual, I gave it a quick google to see what the critics were saying about it- and found that Bright has been named, “the worst movie of 2017″…. so I thought, I would remind you all of the films that absolutely blew this year! Merry Christmas!

47 meters down

I bloody love a shark movie- so I was so excited to see the trailer for this one. It’s a Mandy Moore film, where her and her more adventurous sister decide to go cage diving with great whites- only to find the line snaps and they end up on the ocean floor. With time running out and oxygen low- I was optimistic this might be a shallows style hit. However, fuck me was this a badly done film. Although I jumped a lot (blame being a nervous wreck when it comes to jump scares)- the storyline was really poor, the scares never really felt threatening and the ending was pants. If you’re a fan of shark movies I wouldn’t say this was a particularly decent one. It’s unremarkable in every way.

Deathnote- Netflix adaptation

AGH this was awful. I love the anime so much- with the storyline following Light, a student who comes across a notebook. Every name he writes in it results in that person dying of a heart attack.

What Netflix failed to realise was that you can’t throw two seasons of pure excellence into an hour and half movie.

The film felt ultimately rushed, poorly explained- with very little character development- and an even worse concept of what was a the heart of the anime.

I couldn’t find myself caring about any of the characters. My advice? Stick to the anime.

Assassins Creed

This is one of my favourite video games of all time! I love the concept. The film? Less so.

The story follows Cal Lynch (Micheal Fassbender)- a descendant of Aguilar de Nerha, a 15th century assassin. Through strange tech and DNA manipulation, he is able to go back in time and live as him.

For people who’ve played the games, this was a poor, rushed and embarrassing adaptation. And lord help ya if you haven’t. I’ve got no idea how you’d possibly follow the plot!

Assassins creed is a testament to why video games should never be made into films. Honestly- name me one decent one?

Alien: Covenant

Again, Micheal Fassbender- wtf was up with you this year? Although I know a lot of people who really enjoyed this, I found the whole concept really boring and bizarre.

It felt like an absolute rehash of Prometheus- except um, there were no aliens?

It was a dry, poorly developed storyline- with little to no character development and honestly, in my opinion it was boring.

Kong: Skull Island

WHY WOULD YOU REMAKE THIS?

I’m afraid that although they tried- the remake fails to match up to the excellence that was Peter Jackson’s 2005 film.

Although I’ll admit the acting was decent and Tom Hiddleston was sexy AF, there was none of the heartwarming cinematic brilliance that made the other version so magnificent. (Spoiler- he doesn’t climb the Empire State)

Rach

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