I classify myself as a writer. I trained as a writer. I spent 7000 pounds doing a Journalism MA. I write it on all my social media- and if someone asked me to describe my dream job, it would be, “author”.
However- I’m starting to feel instilled with a huge amount of doubt that I’m actually any good at this whole thing.
I’m starting to overthink, delete, repost and panic about every little thing that I’m putting out there.
The irony of it is, the more that I write and share on this blog- the more shitty and self-conscious I feel about the quality of my work and the way it’s being portrayed.
I guess in a way, I’m my own self-enemy.
I quite often rush through writing because I’m so exited to get the blogpost out and into the world.
I often don’t re-read it because it’s boring by then and I’m ready to say goodbye to it.
I post frequently- which means that often the quality is going to be lower.
The other major factor, that I’ve written about before, is how I don’t take criticism well.
If people feel like hitting me where it hurts- which has happened twice now- they’ll comment on my “badly written” posts.
It’s hard once someone has actually declared that you’re a crappy writer, to even want to stick with it. (Even if you know that the person was saying it just to hurt you)
I’m fighting the urge hard to just throw in the towel again, as I did with my old blog, and not publicly share my work- because I’m not handling the critique well.
The thing is, at least I’m trying. I write every day and even if it isn’t on my public blog, it’s somewhere else.
I’m juggling this in my own mind right now.
Do I want to remove myself from the blogging world? Do I want to focus more on my book?
I don’t know really.