The worst things to happen if you’re a woman

Being a girl is absolutely fab tbh- but here are some of the times that I raise my hands to the heavens and despair for my life:


1- Doing your make-up to Kylie Jenner level of perfection and then sneezing and smudging your mascara. WHY.

2- Cystitis. It’s honestly like weeing out fire. I’ve had this at uni like 4 times and honestly thought the end was nigh. My best friend had to come and sit in my room with me to keep me company whilst I sat on the toilet LOL.

3- Bending a long ass acrylic nail backwards. It’s bad enough that I have stubby, horrible nails that I bite all the time, but when I actually get my life together I am riddled with this.

4- Getting foundation on a white top (particularly when you’re about to go out) – I stupidly invested in the most crisp white IVY park t-shirt and it’s fair to say I can only wear it when I’m having a no make-up day. Ain’t nothing cute about an orange ring.

5- Needing a poo at your new boyfriend’s house. Soz but this is awful. I know we’re human and have needs, but I stg all women do this. Just run the tap ladies and pad the toilet with paper… he’ll never know…

6- Wearing heels out. They always look SO good in photos and at pres when you’re sitting down… but mother of god it’s like you’re actually bending your feet out of shape when you decide to hit a club. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve walked home barefoot.

7- Tying up your hair and the hairband snaps. Like ffs honestly. Then you have to live with the kink in your hair all day… YUM.

8- Being grinded on in a club. And it definetely is never by some hot model type, it’s always that creep in the corner who’s been drinking one pint of ale and staring at every woman they see.

9- Getting your period. Hello mother nature, you bitch.

10- Your boyfriend putting his arm around you and pulling your hair. Jesus christ, like talk about ruining a romantic moment of snuggles with being tugged from behind. Ouch, why why why.

11- Getting poked in the boob by your bra. Like dude, come on- we’re on the same team here. Nothing worse than being turned on by your own clothes.

12- Trying to smuggle a tampon or period pad to the toilets at work. I sit surrounded by people and i’ve defo come up with some crafty ways to smuggle it out.

13- Lipstick on your teeth. It actually makes me feel nauseous if i’m talking to someone who has this and I don’t know them enough to say anything. PLEASE if you read this and you see it happen- for the love of God tell me!!!

14- Thrush. Itchy, painful and damn right irritating. Plus it costs 13 bloody quid to sort it out.

15 – Constant pregnancy fear. I must have taken about 5 pregnancy tests in my life because my period was like one day late. There’s literally one moment in your life when you’re happy to get your period, and that’s confirmation that you’re A-OK.

16- When you hit pan on your best make-up/ breaking a palette. This shit is expensive and breaking it basically renders it useless. CRY.

17- When your hair gets caught in your sunglasses. Either I rip it out and style bald-chic for the rest of my life or I have to untangle the damn things. Is there anything more panick-filled?

18 When someone asks to borrow a hairband.- Tbh I literally own one and if it aint in my hair it’s on my wrist. Say goodbye to that bad-boy- you ain’t never getting it back.

19- Reading memes about bad eyebrows and re-evaluating your entire face. Sisters not twins? More like fucking third-cousins twice removed. They’re either too thin, too thick, too bushy or a total fucking mess.

Yay for being a woman- ain’t it all fun and games!

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